A play of a story in verse
By Geoffrey Cooper
There was once an olde Reading clerke
And Absalom was his name
Who had a beauteous wife
Esther Mae, a comely dame.
Absalom, a right grumpy man
Also a very jealous churl,
But pretty little Esther Mae
Was a very lively girl.
One early morn Absalom came home
To write with quill of feather
Found our pretty Esther Mae
Outside in the all together.
“Wench” he cried, “What are you doing?”
“Picking flowers as you can see
The sunne was shining in the sky
I like to keep cool and free”.
“But who goes there, through the bushes
Call me jealous and rather vicious
But that naked man running there
Makes me a trifle suspicious”.
Esther laughed a merrie giggle
“My dear you’ve such a jealous habit
That which you see hopping there
Is but a little bunny rabbit.”
Absalom muttered to himself
“She must think I’m a thick ‘un
That rabbit I saw running there
Was surely little Dickon.”
Little Dickon, a cobbler’s lad
A boy with big ambitions,
While Esther was a upright wife
She just lacked inhibitions.
They planned a trip in sunny June
To Canterbury in the vale of Kent
But Absalom had a cunning plan
To make sure just where Esther went.
So Absalom went to his shed
And worked with strength and vigour
To make a wooden chastity belt
That fitted Esther’s figure.
To Canterbury in the cart they went
Strong Absalom and Little Dickon
Esther Mae sat in the back
Her waist a trifle thick ‘un.
That night they slept beneath the stars
Absalom snored away all night
When at last the morning came
He checked to see if all was right.
Esther may looked most content
As though nothing really mattered
When he checked her chastity belt
He found that it had shattered.
Esther explained what happened
A woodpecker looking for a nest
Hopped up and saw her lying there
Pecked and hammered at her vest.
Of course he knew this must be true
So they had no need to linger
To Canterbury these pilgrims went
Dickon had a splinter in his finger.
So my advice to fellow men
Is don’t rely on pants of wood
Because there is a simple fact
They really do no blooming good.